I was waiting at a light today, navigating the cutter-offers, shitty parallel parkers and moseying foot traffic of Santa Monica when I heard a horn honk in the gentle tapping way that means someone is trying to get your attention rather than wishing eternal damnation on your soul. I kept sitting at the light, head in the clouds, singing along until I heard it again. I realized this horn tap was intended for me. I looked and a woman in the left turn lane was saying something to me. My first reaction was “Oh god, something is wrong with my car. Something is wrong with my fucking car. Something broke off and is dragging on the ground. I just got it serviced! What could be wrong? I do not have the money for something to be wrong with my car right now!”
I rolled down the window. Had an impulse to take off my sunglasses. Left them on. Realized my music was blaring. Turned it down. Yelled “What?!”
“Is the Wienerschnitzel down there?”
“The what?”
I honestly hadn’t heard her. I wasn’t just trying to embarrass her by making her scream “Wienerschnitzel” over and over again.
“The Wienerschnitzel!”
I tried really hard at that instant to make a face that was like “Oh, right! The Wienerschnitzel, gotcha! Let’s see–ummm, yeah, it is! Oh wait? Is it? Damn, I’m always losing that that damn Wienerschnitzel, I just get all turned around. Hold on, I know this……..hold on….” and not one that was like “The Wienerschnitzel?!?!? Are you kidding me?! Girl, do you know what they put in that stuff? That shit will KILL you!”
Finally I went, “I don’t know! Sorry!” She went, “OK! Thanks!” And rolled up her window.
The light changed but I couldn’t stop thinking about Wienerschnitzel girl. Why was she going there? Was she meeting someone there? I decided she was meeting a friend for lunch and said friend had suggested the venue, and although she was less than enthusiastic, she agreed. Or maybe she just loves Wienerschnitzel. Can’t live without it. Goes there everyday. But if that were the case why didn’t she know where it was? Wouldn’t she have the various locations imprinted on her mind’s eye the way I do Trader Joe’s and Pinkberry? Maybe she was stalking an ex-lover. Maybe she was on the phone with a friend and said, “Hey, hey you give me ten bucks if I ask this white girl in the Honda where the Wienerschnitzel is? Hahahahaha! OK, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it, hang on….”
This is clearly just my own personal prejudice, however. Why should she be ashamed of liking Wienerschnitzel? She should eat whatever she wants. Peace and love! Maybe Wienerschnitzel is trying to revamp their image. Maybe they’ve gone organic and green and stuff and I just missed the memo.
Is this how you spell Wienerschnitzel?
